10. October 2005

02_4

My Friendster Profile
Monday, October 31, 2005

Dear Friends and Family, Ladies & Gentlemen,

I AM GAY. I AM NOT HETEROSEXUAL like most everyone I know wants me to be. It took me a while to find the courage to say "I'm gay. That's just fine because that's who I am. That's my truth". But it wasn't always easy because everyone had always treated me like I am morally inferior to everyone else. Morally inferior just because I am who I am.


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03_5

Calgary Neighborhood, Calgary, AB
Monday, October 17, 2005

So many things change in this swiftly flying time in our lives. October has made me feel this need for change. A good change with the warm summer heat leaving so soon, here comes the leaves that are green turning to gold or brown or red and orange. For me, the turning of the leaves are beautiful. Like the changing season, so is my life.
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04_5

Hwy 3, Between Elko & Fernie, BC
Saturday, October 01, 2005

I am writing this to educate most of you about what being gay is about; being gay is not a preference despite what the world says. I did not choose to be who or what I am. I was born this way. Gayness runs deep in my soul.

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05_5

Hwy 93, Between Wardner & Jaffray, BC
Wednesday, October 05, 2005

All my life society has told me being gay is shameful – some joke to be laughed at, and looked down on; something to be ashamed or embarrassed about; something evil; something sinful. It is not an easy process to finally accept and love myself for who I really am and come out to the world as a gay man. I have learned that it takes a lot of courage and self-respect and wisdom to challenge most wrong credence that’s been taught to me by society in general from the time I was born. People want to believe whomever seems most morally superior without question. The minister who shouts "Homosexuals will never enter the kingdom of God! They are sinners!" and the church people just sat there and took his word for truth just because he stood on a podium. Because he was to his church "morally superior" to everyone else. I used to sit there and just feel the hatred. I sat there for years and felt the hatred and I kept quiet. I went about growing up feeling the pain from gay jokes and hatred people so casually say, in my family, my friends, new acquaintances and I kept quiet. I just took it all in, because they were all "morally superior" to me.



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06_4

Jim Smiths Lake, Cranbrook, BC
Saturday, October 15, 2005

The world is filled with people who believe they are morally superior to others just because they belong to a church, or perhaps because they are of a certain race, or a group. I had met some people who would rather I lie and be a hypocrite so I could fit in. I took that advice for a few years. It brought nothing but misery.



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07_4

Cranbrook, BC
Saturday, October 15, 2005

I learned that being gay is not something one can modify with behavior or religion. I know because I am one.



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08_5

Jim Smiths Lake, Cranbrook, BC
Saturday, October 15, 2005

I learned what it was like to lose myself and my spirit broken because I wanted to be just like everyone else. That is the most miserable place on earth.



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09_5

Hwy 3, Fernie - Elko, BC
Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Forget what the rest of the "morally superior experts” – ministers and advisors, counselors preach about changing the gay man and turning him into a heterosexual. They do not know what they are talking about. They are not experts. They are not gay.

I consider myself an expert on this topic. I have 30 years of experience living it. Do I need a PhD to convince you that I know what I am talking about? Or would you rather believe the "expert" who only has ideas and concepts but have no experience living what he or she is talking about?



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10_5

Marysville Rd, Kimberley, BC
Saturday, October 01, 2005

I have met quite a number of older gay people who have never learned to love themselves enough and live alone with regrets, misery and sadness. I reflect and see what wasted time there was in such lives. It takes courage and wisdom to understand (and wisdom doesn’t just hit you in the head one day. It requires a substancial amount of precious time – and for some gay people, it takes a lifetime).

I don't want to waste my life away, wallowing in ignorance and fear.



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11_5

Elk River, Hwy 3, Between Elko - Fernie, BC
Tuesday, October 04, 2005

I have found my voice. I would like to shout from the top of a mountain to the rest of the world "I am Lorenzo Nievera. I am gay and that's OK with me"



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12_5

Elk River, Hwy 3, Between Elko - Fernie, BC
Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Everything I do now is between me and my divine creator. So please do not belittle or look down on gay people and be judgmental or feel as if you are morally superior. When you are around someone like me, be kind. Have no hatred. I've had it all my life. I have no room for hatred.



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13_4

Elk River, Hwy 3, Between Elko - Fernie, BC
Tuesday, October 04, 2005

I choose to empower myself:

I choose to be happy; I choose to take charge of my life; I choose to embrace my uniqueness; I choose to surround myself with people who love me as I am; I choose to not waste my time with people who hate me. They have no place in my life. I will live my life in peace, love and harmony.



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14_4

Hwy 93, Between Wardner & Jaffray, BC
Wednesday, October 05, 2005

My truth has set me free.



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15_4

A Farm in Cranbrook, BC
Wednesday, October 05, 2005

I am Edgar Lorenzo F. Nievera. I am proud of my name and my life and my masculinity. I will stand up for myself and embrace life with all my might. This is how God made me. I will respect and accept this life and be grateful for what I am given. What I am given this Gay life and that's fine. I accept that. I will love this life. I will make it a very good life. I will make my creator proud.

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16_4

Back Country Roads, Kimberley - Cranbrook, BC
Wednesday, October 05, 2005




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17_3

Between Kimberley & Cranbrook, BC
Wednesday, October 05, 2005




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18_4

Rotary Drive, Kimberley, BC
Wednesday, October 05, 2005




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19_3

Roco the Dog, Bill's House, Calgary, AB, Canada
Monday, October 17, 2005




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20_3

Route 22, Alberta
Tuesday, October 18, 2005




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21_4

Alberta, Canada
Tuesday, October 18, 2005




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22_4

Tuesday, October 18, 2005




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23_4

Tuesday, October 18, 2005




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24_3

Monday, October 17, 2005




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25_3

Leaving Calgary, AB
Tuesday, October 18, 2005




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26_3

Leaving Calgary, Route 22, Alberta
Tuesday, October 18, 2005

In my opinion, what MOST people do not understand is that moral & spiritual values are not there to restrict. They are there to protect. Personally, I think God wants us to master our own humanity so we can move on to things of more Importance - like love, spirituality, peace, happiness and harmony etc.. In my opinion, he probably doesn't want self righteous people to preach religion. He wants every one of us to study life, and learn how to love and respect and be true to ourselves and in return practice love, peace, harmony and respect and truthfulness to others as well as we live our daily lives.



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27_3

Black Diamond, Alberta
Tuesday, October 18, 2005

This world is filled with ignorance. If only the greater percentage of humanity worked to be wiser and search for deeper meaning in their existence rather than proving themselves to be morally superior to others, then this world as we know will be heaven on earth. If only the majority people were more accepting of humanity's limits and strive realistically from there, the world will be better.



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28_3

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

As for how I live my life, in the end everything is really just between God and myself. It doesn't matter as much anymore what others think of me. If a religious nut asks "Edgar, do you think God is happy with your life?" , My answer would be "YES. I think God is happy. Everything I do in my life passes through My Creator first." My life has meaning.



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29_3

Alberta, Canada
Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I have learned that Men/women have no right to pass unfavorable judgments on other men/women, based on their faith, status and personal beliefs, or sexual Orientation etc. For their understanding and intelligence is limited and flawed, no matter where the basis. Why do I say that? - Because we are NOT GOD. We are human beings. If we insist on knowing it all (as when we are being "morally superior" to others, we are fools. God made us humans - not all knowing. We should be humble and keep an open mind. We will never know it all. We should never stop learning from our life (especially) and the lives of others. And that's all I have to say about that.




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30_3

Bill's House, Calgary, AB
Monday, October 17, 2005

Bill's House in Downtown Calgary. This is Ron's friend's house. He provides accomodations to travellers. I like this Inn, because it's only a few minutes walk to the train to main district. Today is October 17, 2005 (Monday). Ron had a doctor's appointment there, so I decided to tag along to Calgary so I can get a Laser eye surgery pre-op exam at LASIK MD. (www.lasik.com).

Today I will find out if I am a candidate for the operation. If I am, that means that soon, I will be seeing the world without any need for glasses or contacts! Oh! that's my dream!!!! I have been wearing glasses for 14 years now. I will be glad to see the world clearly! Also, I was settting my mind not to be disappointed if they found out that my eyes were not a candidate.

So this morning I keep muttering to myself. Whatever happens, I will be fine. If they tell me I have to wear glasses and Contacts all my life, I will just be thankful that I can see. I will not be sad. I will be happy because I know I am far luckier than some. If They find I am a condidate, then well and Good. I will be thankful.



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31_3

Route 22, Alberta
Tuesday, October 18, 2005

This is what I see without glasses and Contact lenses. Imagine waking up in the morning and having to grope in the dark for your glasses. Sometimes I bump into stuff and hurt myself. I've sat on my glasses so many times too. I've dropped and broken them, Misplaced them, and they leave heavy marks on my nose bridge. I am glad I won't have to see the world like this after the surgery. After the surgery, Hopefully the next picture will be how I will see the world.



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32_4

Route 22, Alberta
Tuesday, October 18, 2005

nice huh? Clear vision. The Lasik surgery is no guarantee though, But I will hope for the best. My tentative schedule for surgery is November 9, 2005. I will keep you posted on that. I will take pictures.



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33_3

Life Plaza Bldg, Downtown Calgary, AB
Monday, October 17, 2005

My appointment was at suite 900- 734 7th Avenue, SW, Calgary Alberta, Canada. So I press the elevator up to the 9th floor. I cross my fingers. I hope it's going to be good news after!

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3 Hours Later:

The pre-op exam determined that I am a candidate for lasik surgery!!! I am so happy!!! But after several exams and barrels of eye drops, My vision was really blurry. I had to wear sunglasses and while I was walking downtown, I couldn't see very well. My vision was so blurry I felt impaired.

I called for assistance from my Boy friend Ron. He came over and we walked together to Bill's Inn/House. I wasn't sure I would be able to find the address without Ron being there. He is such a good guy. Thanks Ron! I really appreciate it!



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34_3

Calgary, AB
Monday, October 17, 2005

Ron, Nicole, Bill and Wayne



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35_3

Luke's Home, Kimberley, BC
Friday, October 28, 2005

October 28, 2005. Today is my 1st year anniversarry in Canada. Can't believe it has been a year! Time flies! Today is a busy day. Got to haul logs, chop wood, Carry and stack firewood. Winter is coming. Must get all these done before the snow comes. Luke's friends came over to help. It was a good day. Got lots work done.



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36_3

Luke's Kitchen, Kimberley, BC
Sunday, October 30, 2005

Lasagna. Luke says "you want to take a picture of the first Lasagna you ever made?". And so I did. The Lasagna was so good.



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37_3

Tita Roseminda's Home, Cranbrook, BC
Monday, October 10, 2005

Thanksgiving Day



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38_3

Walmart, Cranbrook, BC
Saturday, October 15, 2005

In North America, everyone knows WAL-MART. Wherever you go in Canada, There's always a Wal-Mart. This is where I buy most of my stuff. I like checking out the goods on CLEARANCE days. Prices are on sale. I can't shop as much as when i did back home - I'm so frugal. I will be cheap and practical, but I won't compromise quality. I will buy something expensive If I know I am going to be using it a long time (clothes for example). But most of the time I don't want to buy stuff. Besides, don't really need most of the stuff in there anyway. They create the WANT and deceive you that is is a NEED. Oh well, this is just me muttering to myself because I don't have money. Ha ha ha.



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39_2

Lake Wasa, BC
Saturday, October 15, 2005

Joanne's Driving Lessons with Me:

Joanne laughs at this letter. It's a magnet/sticker that needs to be attached at the back of the car whenever she's on the wheel. In Canada L is for Learners. To get an L sticker, you have to take an exam. When you pass that exam, They give you an L sticker. You then look for a driving school or a teacher and start Learning how to drive. After driving for 40 hours or more (That's like 40 days at 1 hour each; or 20 days at 2 hour sessions etc.) you take an actual road test. Pass it and the REAL Driver's License is given to you. All these come with expenses ofcourse and it doesn't come cheap. It comes with real hard work, Plus car insurance, plus Gas, Maintainance etc..



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40_2

Indian Reservation, Cranbrook, BC
Saturday, October 15, 2005



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41_1

108 year old town, Fort Steele, BC
Saturday, October 15, 2005



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42_1

Halloween Party, Fort Steele, BC
Saturday, October 29, 2005

Taken during the party at Fort Steele. It was dark outside. Flash won't work as good. and I did not bring a tripod with me so I had to enhance this picture with a software to add detail. For an entrance fee of $10, you get to enjoy the Halloween celebrations. People were in constumes. I just put on my regular clothes and when people asked me what I'm supposed to be I just tell them "A Gnome" .



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43_1

Halloween, Inside Fort Steele, BC
Saturday, October 29, 2005

The Jack O Lantern - One of the many entries for a contest



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44_1

Fort Steele, BC
Saturday, October 29, 2005

There was a halloween party at Fort Steele. Here I took a picture at real slow shutter speed to give an illusion of a ghost passing by.



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45

Fort Steele, BC
Saturday, October 29, 2005

From Left: Ate Rossini, Wilfred and Joanne



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46

Inside Fort Steele, BC
Saturday, October 29, 2005

From Left: Ate Rossini, Edgar the Garden Gnome and Joanne



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47

The Basement Window, Luke's Home, Kimberley, BC
Sunday, October 30, 2005

The next morning, I look out from the window of my room in the basement and I see The 1st snow. Yesterday everything was green. Now it's all white. Brrrr! Winter is here. (I'm not very happy about it for some reason)



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48

Kimberley, BC
Sunday, October 30, 2005

Snow and Grass. What I see directly in front of me when I look out my tiny basement window.

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49

My Room, Luke's House, Kimberley, BC
Monday, October 31, 2005


This is me watching TV in my bedroom. I hope you enjoyed all the pictures. Sometimes I run out of new stuff to talk about that's where the Photos come in. They are a story on their own.

Please keep in touch. It is e-mails and texts messages that keep me happy. Thanks for keeping in touch! Please send me an e-mail soon! As a friend and a family, I send you my love. Take care always! And If you still love me despite the fact that I am Gay, let me know. I would appreciate it even more.

(((hugs)))

End_post_1



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2 comments:

  1. From a religious point of view, if God had thought homosexuality is a sin, he would not have created gay people.

    Friend believe it or not, I love gays.. one of my bestfriend back home is gay..it's just that she is a boisterous one... Back home I am always with my gay friends.. ladlad at mga ayaw magladlad..may mga asawa pero at the back they like both..lesbians too..I am not judgemental.. Be proud of who you are...you probably just misinterpreted me because you dont know me that well.. I tried reading some of your blogs(past and present) I think I am getting to know you now. Sometimes you just have to know the person before you can understand him.. Some friends call me "Bakla" pero di ako nagagalit kasi that means I'm fun to be with, like most of the real so called "gay"..I'm sorry but this is just me. Ester

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Edgar!!! Remember, you are loved and cared for because of the way that you love and care for other people. You have been my friend all throughout and despite the distance you have stayed as good a friend as I hoped you
    would. Merry Christmas and I pray that 2007 will open more opportunities for you to be happy. You are a good person, that is all that matters. God
    bless! Miss you!! Ü

    ReplyDelete

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