My first month's paycheck allowed me to purchase this laptop from Dell. It was important to me that I have access to information on the internet so I could communicate with friends and family. I needed to make sure my emotional and mental health was in top shape - especially because I am by myself and I needed to be strong for me. I had to wait until my next pay check to have access to internet though. I just couldn't afford a connection right away.
It was my first white Christmas. Really lonely feeling. It was depressing sometimes.
After Christmas, on December 28, 2004, I took my first bus trip to Calgary by myself because mama and auntie Angie flew in from California to visit me. I was so excited because I have not seen my mom since she left the Philippines to live in the US in January of 2001. That's 3 years and 11 months that I have not been with ma!
Have finally arrived in Calgary! If only I knew then what I know now that it would be the very last time I would ever be with mama, I would have hugged her and kissed her even more and let her know how much more I love her. We could have done so much more together with those two days. December 28 and 29. Mama and Auntie Angie and I had so much fun. We spent most of our time just laughing and giggling It was such a sweet reunion.
December 29, 2004
The next day, Mama, auntie Angie and myself went exploring Calgary on foot. It was so much fun. Lots of laughter as we tried looking for places to go to. Ma liked me to take a picture of her in front of this Christmas decoration in one of those buildings we went in to so we could get warm from the cold wind outside.
Mama and Me. Auntie Angie took this photo of us as we headed to Calgary's China town. It was a cold morning.. Brrrr!
December 29, 2004
Mama and auntie Angie on our way to Calgary's China town.
December 29, 2004
We went all around the heart of Calgary (mostly on foot) today. I took this picture while we were waiting for the C-train to take us back to the Hotel . After having dinner at the Sandman Hotel, I kept them up till 3AM with all sorts of stories, jokes and updates - just catching up with all those years. Now that I look back at it, I am so glad that I had so much energy making mama laugh that night.
Here we were waiting for the airporter shuttle service to come and pick up mama and auntie Angie for their 6AM flight back to California. This was taken at the lobby of the Calgary Sandman Hotel. I was sad that they had to go back so soon. Mama said she had to get ready to be back for work.
I remember us hugging each other tight saying I love yous before they got in that shuttle service. As soon as they got their bags in, the shuttle service left.
The van where Mama and auntie Angie just went out of sight. I stood there alone still looking out towards their direction as if they will come back. I was sad. so deeply sad. I wish we could have had more time together.
December 30, 2004 9:30AM
The quiet hotel room in December is filled with emptiness as I stare at the sadness of winter. Outside the window shows reality. Mama is once again gone from me Physically. When will I see her again? Will she be OK? It feels just like that day nearly 4 years ago when I hugged her and waved bye to her at the NAIA International Airport in the Philippines. The same kind of sadness. But all these are for a reason and only good ones I try to believe.
December 30, 2004. 10:30AM
As the sadness was slowly creeping back into my heart my cellphone rings. It was Mama calling me saying they have arrived in California. I was so glad that she was OK. Her voice is filled with life. What an incredible woman she was. My mother - my strength. She must have known that I needed to hear her voice. I love my mom.
Little did I know that day was the last day I was ever going to be with her again. My mother passed away on September 18, 2006. A year and 9 months from that day. I miss her so much.