12:44 Am - Just woke up from a Dream

12:44 AM . I just got up. I had the most amazing dream about life and death, and I think I dreamed of my past life. I died at the age of 25. Newly married, for only one night. Judging from the images of what o saw , The year may have been in the fifties. Or maybe even earlier.

I had a wonderful loving family. May have been European, or American Influence. That scene will always stay in my mind.

A hospital bed, family around me. They were all looking at me, laughing with me. My brother , Timothy, was there too ( But he looked different -ofcourse, I just knew it's the same person) All I knew is that I could not hear any of what they were saying but they were telling me - as I lay helpless in that hospital bed, through their motions , that my wife (or somebody's wife - that is, is already pregnant , just a day after getting married and everyone, was just so happy! (The funny thing was that, I couldn't be certain if I was a man or a woman in the dream. and how I actually related to everybody). All I remember is that, There was a lot of love in that room. Was that man giving me the monologue in bed , my husband? or my brother? But I knew that was Timothy in my past life. We are still together after all. I was dying.

"Third Eye Blind." Why does it keep on registering in my head? It was a movie ticket I held in my hand. Perhaps someday , it will piece all the puzzle together.

Then another scene, It was like a movie. And I was simply watching. I saw my father and mother at home (They aren't physically the same ones I have now, but I just knew they are the same souls) It was in black and white (I normally dream in color). A message arrives, and in it was a doctors note, together with my father's portrait in the back where I wrote my last words. "No sadness, I will always be there". I guess I did not have enought strength to even sign my name..... I just died - age 25. After a day of someone's marriage, In my dream's mind I said " It was a wonderful life , even to have married a day was enough happiness." <-- I don't know If I was being happy for me or for someone I really loved. Funny how dreams get so confusing after I wake up. Lots of it made sense (when I was in my dram state), yet so many of it don't make sense now that I am awake and typing this.

I wake up and rush to the computer. I knew this was something i do not ever want to forget . It was an interwoven story, my instincts tell me it is a part of me-- It was me. How do I know this? - I just know.

It's weird. But dreams are weird. Maybe it's for something I will yet have to write someday. hmmm. What does it all mean?